Constant crying until not a tear left... just dried up and limp...we actually ARE living minute to minute. After a couple of months, we might possibly have a few hours that we have not cried or felt that deep overwhelming despair. Then... WHAM. . back to where we started. We tend to panic and' think something is wrong with us. Let's be realistic! There is something wrong— terribly wrong— we have each lost a child. Let's be fair to ourselves. We started to play a role to the outside world. Like the old song says, "laughing on the outside, crying on the inside." "We want to be acceptable to society."

You are doing so well, we have heard from friends and family. IF ONLY THEY KNEW!!! We may feel we have to fool others, but let us be really honest with our feelings. To deny our grief, particularly to ourselves is to block the road to recovery. Remember, that recovery in this case does not mean "getting over it,'... it simple means to gain control of our lives again. So, let's not worry about what other people think, say, or expect.

Our friends (well-meaning as they are), sometimes members of our family, even someone who has lost a child, should not sit in judgment. Each person grieves differently, in different times, and in different ways, Unless someone has totally withdrawn from everything and everybody over a lengthy period of time, the chances are all is in the realm of normalcy. Only after we have walked down the long road of grief and can look back, remembering those early days and weeks, can we see we really are NOT on square one again. We have just slipped backwards for a time. That is all. Allow yourself that.

Then strive forward again. It takes time, a lot of time! We tend to expect too much from others; others expect too much from us; and, therefore, we tend to expect too much from ourselves. Remember, grief work is the very hardest work you will have to do in your entire life.